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What is a mythical footballer?

A mythical footballer is someone who is at the absolute peak of their powers on the pitch over a given period, be it for a few seconds or across the span of an entire season.

When you think of a mythical footballer, your mind immediately thinks of a player the streets won’t forget.

James Rodriguez at the 2014 World Cup, Yannick Bolasie at Crystal Palace, or Adel Tarabt during his time at QPR. 

After a lot of research and digging into my years of ball knowledge, I’ve gathered a list of the top 20 mythical footballers of the modern era.

20. Swansea Michu

Michu celebrating a goal for Swansea at Old Trafford

Michu was a lanky striker who seemingly came from nowhere and set the Premier League ablaze during the 2012/2013 season. 

Nobody expected some skinny, no-name striker from Rayo Vallecano to score several goals for Swansea. Not like he was Peter Crouch or anything.

But, surprise, surprise, Michu scored 18 goals in the Premier League that season to become one of the greatest one-season wonders of all time. 

He was so good that he was called up to the Spanish national team…THE SPANISH NATIONAL TEAM! 

For me, this achievement alone makes Michu the ultimate mythical footballer that the streets won’t forget.

Enjoy a compilation of all the goals Michu scored for Swansea during this iconic season.

19. Half-Season Papiss Cisse

Papiss Cisse playing for Newcastle

For like half a season, Papiss Cisse convinced the football world that he was on the same level as prime Didier Drogba. Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit. But really, Cisse used to bang in goals left, right, and center during that brief 6-month stint. 

His most famous goal was that wonder strike with the outside of the foot against Petr Cech. That was peak Papiss Cisse; it was only downhill from that moment.

But for that short spell, we all marvelled at the brilliance of this mythical Senegalese wonder striker.

18. 3-Minute Sadio Mane

Sadio Mane celebrating a goal for Southampton FC

Southampton might be crap now, but they used to have decent young players coming through the ranks. 

During their days as a mid-table team in the Premier League, a young Sadio Mane pulled off a performance of a lifetime. 

Within 2 minutes and 56 seconds, he managed to score a hat-trick and bury the game on the spot. This record is going to stand for a long time unless someone like Onana has other plans.

Without a doubt, this quickfire hat-trick played a major role in convincing Liverpool to sign Mane. And as we already know, he went on to make history with the Reds.

17. Juventus Paul Pogba

Paul Pogba celebrating a goal at Juventus

Paul Pogba at Juventus was a different beast. He had the goals, the dance moves, the flashy hairstyles. He was the face of the new generation of flair footballers. 

At that point, we all thought Pogba was going to be next in line for multiple Ballon d’Or awards in the coming decade. 

Well, to be fair, he was close a few times, and he won the 2018 World Cup with France. Since then, it has been one controversy after another.

Things might have gone horribly wrong at Manchester United with Mourinho and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, but the Juventus version of Paul Pogba was absolutely generational. 

Read More: Why Everybody Hates Paul Pogba 

16. Luis Suarez against Norwich City

Lewis Suarez celebrating a goal at Goodison Park

Luis Suarez is just a menace on the pitch; he bites, he scores, he trolls. But one thing Suarez hates more than Patrice Evra and Ghanaians is Norwich City. This man turns into prime Maradona whenever he sees that yellow and green kit. 

During his time with Liverpool, Luis Suarez scored 12 goals in 6 Premier League games against Norwich City—that’s two goals per game guaranteed. 

And it was not just that Suarez scored against them—he always managed to pull off the most unconventional finishes and toyed with Norwich City defenders. That man absolutely owned them.

15. 9-Minute Lewangoalski (Robert Lewandowski)

Lewandowski celebrating his goal for Bayern Munich

Let’s face it, you really have to do something out of this world to leave Pep Guardiola speechless. At Bayern Munich, Robert Lewandowski left Pep lost for words during a Bundesliga match against Wolfsburg.

Coming off the bench, Lewandowski took out 9 minutes of his time to show the world a masterclass in finishing against a helpless Diego Benaglio. If we’re being honest, that Wolfsburg defense was questionable, but Lewandowski was on a mission.

Left foot, right foot, header, take your pick, Lewandowski was on fire that night. It is a shame he was robbed of his rightful Ballon d’Or twice.

14. 2011 Gareth Bale

Gareth Bale celebrating a goal for Tottenham

In a young Tottenham squad that had Luka Modric, Gareth Bale was the superstar by a mile. 

And why do I say that?  Well, in the 2011 Champions League game against reigning champions Inter Milan, Gareth Bale tore Maicon and Zanetti to shreds and scored a hat-trick in a 4-3 loss. 

Even though he went on to score an insane bicycle kick at the UCL final in Kyiv and outpaced Bartra for that wonder goal in the Copa Del Rey, this 2011 version of Bale is unmatched. 

The closest version to this mythical version was Bale for Wales at the 2016 Euros.

13. Pre-injury Van Dijk

Virgil Van Dijk biting his UCL medal in 2019

Van Dijk is still one of the best defenders in the world right now. But you had to be there during his early stint with Liverpool. Doubters said ￡75 million was too much for a defender coming from Southampton.

And boy, were they wrong.

The pre-injury Virgil Van Dijk was unbeatable. There was a 50-game stretch when no single attacker in the Prem was able to dribble past Van Dijk. 50 straight games in the Premier League!

This man was so good that at some point, Liverpool won all 64 games at Anfield in which he played. 

I know he went through that weird period of defending with his backside and getting embarrassed week after week, but Van Dijk was a beast before that injury.

12. Chelsea Eden Hazard

Eden Hazard celebrating a goal at Stamford bridge

Close your eyes and think of Eden Hazard. What do you see? Burgers, injuries, and the Real Madrid bench.

But this was not always the case. Prime Eden Hazard at Chelsea was close to MSN levels in terms of sheer skill and dominance. 

Fans were glued to the TV whenever he got the ball. You can ask Ander Herrera what it was like man-marking Eden Hazard back in the day. 

It is just unfortunate that his body gave up on him towards the end of his career. Even at that, his greatest mythical moment came during that Battle at the Bridge when he banged in a wonder goal to hand Leicester City the league.

Read More: What Happened to Eden Hazard?

11. Istanbul Jerzy Dudek

Jerzy Dudek playing for Liverpool

Before Istanbul, Jerzy Dudek was an average to decent goalkeeper at best—I am not buying into the revisionist history surrounding the Polish goalstopper. 

But after that disastrous first half in Istanbul, Dudek came out of the dressing room and turned into prime Buffon. 

Once Liverpool completed the comeback, Dudek locked up the post and went Super Saiyan. His career peaked in that very moment, that fateful night.

He kept Andriy Shevchenko out twice. One from point-blank range and once during the penalty shootout to help Liverpool complete the greatest comeback in UCL history.

10. Emiliano Martinez at Penalties

Emiliano Martinez playing for Aston Villa in the Champions League

If not for Emi Martinez, some delusional fans would have continued to call Lionel Messi a “fraud” on the international stage. 

It will surprise you, but there was a time when Argentina used to choke in back-to-back-to-back finals—Germany, Chile, and Chile again. It was so bad that Messi had to retire from the national team briefly. 

But thanks to the butterfly effect of Neal Maupay injuring Bernd Leno, Emi Martinez became Argentina’s first-choice goalkeeper and pulled off clutch performances in penalty shootouts to bail out Messi and his mates.

Martinez also saved Messi’s skin against Colombia, then the Netherlands, and then France. If football matches were just penalty shootouts, Emiliano Martínez would be greater than Lev Yashin. 

9. World Cup Final Mbappe

Kylian Mbappe celebrating a goal for France

I know it is cool to make fun of Mbappe right now, but let’s not forget that this man is an absolute beast when he’s in form. 

When Mbappe was just 18, he became the second teenager to score in a World Cup final. 

But check this out: In a world of Pele, Ronaldo R9, Messi, and Maradona, Mbappe is leading the race as the highest goalscorer in the World Cup final.

Mbappe has been to two World Cup finals, and he has scored a total of four goals. 1 goal in 2018 as a teenager and a hat-trick in 2022. That’s just absolute insanity.

And he will be only 27 by the next World Cup in the United States. That’s like 2 or 3 more World Cup tournaments if injuries don’t come into play.

8. 2022 Karim Benzema

Karim Benzema celebrating. agoal in the Champions League

Let’s be honest here, we all thought the Real Madrid dynasty was over when Cristiano Ronaldo left for Juventus.

But nope. Here comes “roleplayer” Benzema to take over the mantle and become the main man for Los Blancos.

I mean, we knew Benzema was good, but no one expected him to be the driving force for a Real Madrid team undergoing a post-BBC rebuild. 

And to cap it all off like a boss, he won the Ballon d’Or after dragging the team to Champions League victory. 

7. MSN Neymar

Neymar playing for Barcelona in La Liga

Some people will disagree with me on this, but MSN Neymar could have won the Ballon d’Or if he weren’t playing for Barcelona.

Yes, Messi was phenomenal during that era—what a shocker, I guess. But that version of Neymar was just different gravy. And we all saw what he was about in that remontada against PSG.

Neymar at Barcelona was the closest thing we got to prime Ronaldinho. The highlight reels were crazy, the skills, the goals—Oh Dios Mio! 

That move to PSG was a bad idea in hindsight, but it was necessary for Neymar if he ever wanted to be out of Messi’s shadow.

Read More: What Happened to Neymar?

6. 2014 Manuel Neuer

Manuel Neuer showing four fingers and smiling at fans

I will go to my grave arguing that Manuel Neuer deserved the 2014 Ballon d’Or, and you can take that to the bank.

This man single-handedly redefined the meaning of “sweeper keeper”. He was dribbling strikers and coming out all the way into midfield to play.

And all this while pulling out world-class performances for club and country. So yes, 2014 Manuel Neuer is up there with Lev Yashin, Peter Schmeichel, and Gigi Buffon.

5. Didier Drogba at Wembley

Didier Drogba celebrating a goal

Didier Drogba is one of the best big-game players of all time, with over 10 goals in major finals. And out of the 9 times he played at Wembley, he scored 7 times.

Drogba’s clutch genes basically willed Chelsea to their first Champions League trophy by scoring the equalizing goal and the winning penalty in the shootout.

That’s why all the players and defenders of that era still respect Drogba, even though he was not the best when you judge by the stats.

4. Ronaldinho at the Bernabeu

Ronaldinho at the Bernabeu

Ronaldinho absolutely tore Sergio Ramos and the Real Madrid backline to shreds during a game at the Bernabeu. He was so magnificent on the day that the entire Santiago Bernabeu stadium gave him a standing ovation.

Do you understand what it means for Madrid fans to applaud a Barcelona player during a game? That would be as shocking as Knicks fans clapping for Larry Bird or Trae Young.

In football, this is the greatest sign of respect and universal acknowledgment you can get in your entire career. That’s why I still believe that Ronaldinho is and will remain the greatest pure footballer in terms of raw skill.

3. Turma Haircut Ronaldo

Ronaldo with his iconic Turma haircut at the 2002 world cup

Ronaldo R9 came into the 2002 World Cup with one of the worst haircuts of all time—it was Taribo West levels of hideous. 

But that Turma haircut is forever part of football folklore because the Ronaldo we saw at that World Cup was a walking football perfection. No one cares about your hair if you’re banging in goals like a machine.

Ronaldo R9 had the world by the balls, scoring eight goals in the tournament, including two in the final against the unbeatable Oliver Kahn.

2. Noodle Hair Ronaldo

Ronaldo celebrating goal against Juventus

To be fair, most versions of Cristiano Ronaldo at Real Madrid were out of this world, but the 2016/2017 version with that ‘noodle’ haircut was absolutely unstoppable.

Five goals against Bayern Munich across two legs. Hattrick against Atletico in the semis. A brace in the final against Juventus. 

I know Diego Simeone and Manuel Neuer still have nightmares whenever they remember that campaign against Ronaldo.

The closest thing to Noodle Hair Ronaldo was 2008 Ronaldo.

1. 2012 Lionel Messi

Lionel Messi celebrating goal for Barcelona

This 2012 version of Lionel Messi is aesthetically and statistically the greatest footballer in the history of the game–no question. 

Think about this sorcery. Lionel Messi, while not being a striker, managed to score 91 goals in a year. Let me say that again: 91 goals in a calendar year.

Not even the free-scoring Ronaldo has scored this number of goals in a calendar year. You have to go all the way to Gerd Muller to find anybody close to beating this record. 

Who is the greatest mythical footballer not mentioned on this list? Let us know in the comments.

Who wrote this?

Sports Writer | hello@gymclassrejects.com | Website

Ugochukwu is a sports enthusiast with an undying love for underdog stories.

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Ugochukwu is a sports enthusiast with an undying love for underdog stories.

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1 Comment

  1. Nice Read
    All players where mythical in their prime

    You forgot Wayne Rooney

    Reply

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